14 Weird Russian Gifts

Russian gifts

After visiting Russian gift shops one can make some list of the weird items that can be purchased there. Our list would start with a purse. The sign on it reads “Anti-vandal purse, capacity is $10,000”

Let’s see what’s more there.

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Going to number two. That’s an ashtray, made in a form of miniature Russian firefighting stand. Such stands were a must in Soviet times in any Russian building. They included sand and some tools, and this inventory is repeated here too.

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What is the number three? Some vintage or steam-punk styled gadget with big clocks in the middle and the sign “Time Machine” is actually a Russian gift photo album.

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Number four looks like a red brick. It has a sign too. It reads “For your house groundwors.” and a coin slot. As you might have guessed that’s a moneybox, targeted for a future house savings. I am not sure if it would be enough for the whole basement, if to put there Russian coins, they can cover maybe just a few bricks like this. Or one can put the hundred dollar bills in the slot then it would be more likely to raise the amount, and not even for the groundworks.

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Number five is an ashtray again. Now the stand is made of metal and looks like it just came out of the Soviet Russian military plant production line. The particular thing about this ashtray is that it has a.. counter, so the smoker can count the cigarette butts that finnish their lives in this glass vase. The counter looks like it’s from the dashboard of a MIG plane. The sign reads “Everything is under control”

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Number six is looks like a wooden chair. It is not. Actually this tea-cup sized chair, with a sign “Remember your childhood” is an ashtray too. The ashtray basin is hidden inside of the lifting chair seat and looks like a night vase Soviet children used to have back then.

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And now there is a number seven. Those hanging bells and a small hammer are intended to be used by a company boss or by a head of the family to call their staff. Each bell has it’s own label and is sized accordingly, so it makes its own tone, the lower the more important the person being called is. Staff of the company where the chief uses such should have very trained ears to catch up on their tone and not to mess it with the coleagues one. The labels on the corporate (first) one are (left to right): “Deputy”, “Accountant”, “Secretary”, “System administrator”, “Courrier”, “Security” and the smallest one is coffee.
Labels from the second (the family one) read: “Wife”, “Mother in law”, “Kids”, “Neighbour”, “Dog”, “Bring me my home sneakers”

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Number eight can be used by the boss too. Actually it suits more to the company managers. That’s a voodoo doll tagged “CUSTOMER”. Could be a good gift for those who like to tell long stories on how dumb their customers are. You probably know one of such people.

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Number nine is a mirror. If to stand at the right distance it can turn you into emperror for a while. Though the label could bring one back to reality, reading “It’s just one step from the funniest one to the greatest one”. Who are you now they left it to figure out by for you by yourself.

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Now there is number ten. It’s as trivial as a tie. There are different sorts of whacky ties but this one can be one of the most disturbing, it’s a dead fish tie. Could look nice with armani suit on your next corporate meeting.

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Number ten is a Russian gift for a housewife. It consists of the camouflage apron which is called “The Camouflage Apron” and and breast-and-lace pillow, probably to put it near her husband while he is asleep to imitate her presence.

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Number eleven is a “kit for a real man”. In Russian there is a saying about the real man, which sounds something like “The real man should plant a tree, build a house and bring up a son”. The saying is really popular so the kit could be recognized by any Russian. It is a wooden suitcase with three sections inside, with a seen hammer and dummy – those could be starters on the real man’s road.

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Number twelve is another Russian corporate gadget. In Russia, they are concerned with the world’s economic crysis and recession to the very big degree. The word ‘crisis’ is being said from the tv screens hundreds of times a day and every incomplete venture failing these days is always blamed on crisis. So this one is an exit lamp which says “Exit… from the crisis” that can be put above some door on the office so that the ones who are way too concerned with the crisis could know their way. Out.

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Number thirteen is a plate. That’s not just a regular plate, it’s a special plate to be used when you are on the edge. It’s called “An anti-stress medical plate”. Those can be bought gross and then mixed up among your regular dishes at the kitchen and then when you feel like smashing some plates against the wall you just need to pick up the correct ones.

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And the last, and maybe the least cool is the toilet paper holder. This is a holder with an option – there is a nice pencil wired to it and a label that asks you to write down your “Valuable thoughts”. Some people say such thoughts come to them often when they are somewhere close to the toilet paper.

29 thoughts on “14 Weird Russian Gifts”

  1. hate this fact that when you start learning cyrillic letters, you notice it is understandable.

    tiesittekö muuten jannut, että suurin maksullisten naisten ryhmä ennen kommunismia Pietarissa olivat suomalaiset? siinä teille ryssittelyä.

    • i mean seen from here with this compeletly different language of finnish. if you know any german language-group of language, you are able to do the math with cyrillic letters.

  2. “Anti-vandal purse, capacity is $10,000″

    Interesting, the maximum amount of cash one may transport out of the USA without informing the authorities is…US$10,000.

    It’s *perfect* 🙂

  3. If you send me money i’ll buy it for you =)
    Have seen all of ’em in St.Petersburg (Rus) on Nevskiy ave. They own a stand just next to Art.Lebedev store here.

  4. Cool list, but I had a WTF moment when I read this:

    “Who are you now they left it to figure out by for you by yourself.”

    Dude, seriously, read back what you write.

  5. The ashtray’s counter is not from the MIG plane! It is mechanic counter used on velo-bikes. It was mounted right beside the center of a wheel so that once every turn of the wheel a special mini-arm mounted on the spokes hit the counter mechanism to count one. Then a reasonable skill in maths was needed to calculate the distance, of course.

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