18 My Name Is Joseph Stalin

My Name Is Joseph Stalin

Posted on November 21, 2011 by

This is my house. It’s small, yes, but I didn’t need a bigger one because I was just as small. I kept a goat in the annex and her name was Jeanne. In honor of Jeanne d’Arc. My father Beso worked in Tbilisi and he didn’t like Jeanna. So, when I was at school, he got drunk and choked her to death.

Yes, this is not Stalin’s real photo album. This is the work of a writer Nodar Djin who has tried to imagine the way Stalin’s photo album looked like if he had one.

It’s me at school. I’m in the back raw, but in the middle. The photographer didn’t let me get closer to the pillow, even though I was his best pupil. Probably, he was bribed. By those who are next to the pillow, not by their parents. My parent, seeing the picture, told me to grow faster. But he liked it in general because one cannot see smallpox scars on my face in it.

This is my mom, Keke. She named me Joseph in honor of Jesus’s father, the one who lived on the ground. If she named me in honor of the one from the sky, I would have been the Almighty. She’d decided how to name me before I was born. If I were a girl, I would be Maro, like Jesus’s mother. I’m so happy that I am a boy. But Keke didn’t remember the day when I was born. She thought it was one week after Christmas or something. But that’s not true. Everybody knows now when I was born. One week after Christmas I was christened.


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18 Responses to “My Name Is Joseph Stalin”

  1. Kalinovsky says:

    A lot of lives might have been saved if he chose to be a model instead of a politician :D

  2. 山下智久 says:


  3. Bogdanov says:

    Nadya was driven to suicide by Stalin’s sociopathy. He had Bukharin killed because he hated intellectuals. His son Yakov committed suicide in a POW camp. The Germans were willing to trade Yakov for F.M. Paulus but Stalin refused. His son Vasily died of alcoholism. Svetlana uses her Mother’s last name and lives in obscurity in the U.S.

  4. Maesrobert says:

    Juvenile – trying to be funny but not succeeding. Some prejudices on display too.

  5. Daniel says:

    This man was a monster, BUT the Soviet Union would not have survived in WWII without his leadership. Strange, isn’t it, that a man so terrible could be such a great leader. It needed a tough guy to run that country and J.S. was all that!

  6. Archy Bunka says:

    Stalin, was a monster. Look in the dictionary under monster and you will see him there. The myth that he projected, the lie, still lives. Thanks to Stalin, any credibility socialism did have suffered such a blow that it will never recover. The more I study Hitler and Stalin, the more evil they become.
    Let’s take a look at the head count:
    Hitler: 10 million in Germany. Stalin: 20 million dead in USSR. Stalin believed anyone could be replaced. Stalin believed a communist with good intentions was the most dangerous communist.

  7. Livan says:

    It is said: two men from Georgia conquered Russia…I wish it had been two different men.

  8. hau says:

    his mother should have swallowed the load

  9. yagur says:

    It’s not right – Instead of Truman – Roosevelt…Just technical mistake – on the picture is Truman…Roosevelt died 3 months before Potsdam…

  10. Grzgrz says:

    Stockholm syndrome? Russians’ fascination with mother**ckers who exterminated millions of the very same Russians is breathtaking. Same goes for Chineese.

  11. saurabh says:

    Great pictures. The one with Truman and Churchill was the best.

  12. OLUT says:

    I had fun reading his comments in my head, but with a “like OMG!111″ valley-girl voice.

  13. Greg says:

    fact 1 = non-Russian slaughtered the ethnic Russians to create the USSR
    fact 2 = bad decision-making became an epidemic under the USSR
    fact 3 = despite sitting on unlimited natural resources the bulk of every day Russians are facing social problems like addiction/unemployment and crime.
    fact 4 = Western style cash-o-cracy is not the answer. strong pro-family, altruism & leadership is needed to conquer domestic problems once and for all.
    fact 5 = Beria was a serial rapist

  14. Lordovlyte says:

    seems this is far less interesting than it was a year ago. I can’t imagine why? I thought it was very humorous and clever. (fact 1 – several of your facts, are in fact, not facts but opinion. fact 2 – this was an art project, not something to educate.) You people need to lighten up.

  15. blaxkbastar says:

    I expected to see Him again. He is a very usual being he can make you laugh and cry at the sometime, Favorite pic 20 leine and hair cut.

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