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95 What if…

What if…

Posted on January 20, 2009 by


not so Russian brand 1

Some Russian bloggers tried to imagine how the popular international brands and products could look if Russians took over the world someday…

not so Russian brand 2

not so Russian brand 3


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95 Responses to “What if…”

  1. Dinc says:

    Great! I liked the “M”oskovskie Kotleti…vpered!! :)

    • Miss India says:

      isnt it sad Russians will never be rich, successful and powerful like americans? :( while America dominates the world with a GDP pf 14.3 trillion, 3rd world Russia only produces 1.2 trillion. :(

      • Sumar says:

        USA has been living on Chinese and even Russian IOUs for awhile now

        Miss India should look up the fact that American debt is the same as it’s GDP and Russian debt is nonexistant

  2. The KFC one is a piece of subtle genius :-)

  3. SalaKrestu says:

    In your dreams commies!!! :D :D :D

  4. [...] – A third piece of cool for you. English Russia have a collection of photoshopped images speculating on how some iconic images and products would [...]

  5. Bert says:

    Epic thread from Art Lebedev’s ZhZh. The question to the commenters was to transpose something from Russian culture to something from another culture – so not strictly depicting “the world as ruled by Russia”. I think I could love a world that’s a mix between Soviet provincialism and 21st century progress…

  6. Keroro says:

    Trotsky Fried Chicken is cool. Other is so-so.

  7. slavich says:

    This is awesome! The funniest stuff i seen in a while.

    I wonder what it would really be like…

  8. slavich says:

    I just cant imagine ZIL making sports cars and electronics, but if they did, It would be kickass

    Also Gazprom energy drink, Its actually quite possible, I want to try it

  9. sugar buzz says:

    A Gazprom energy drink and a Gematogen bar would be great right now! :)

  10. Rodriguez says:

    I like a lot a 3-litre Heiniken beer tank. And Moto RAZR with USSR quality control stamp. I still remember the soviet phones with these stamps. But they`re made in Bulgary.

  11. Impeach Obama says:

    Impeach Obama… immediately. Worst. President. Ever.

    • meshca says:

      Ignorance is a bliss isn’t it?

    • Barak says:

      They said……..it could never happen.They also said…….it would not work out.But I showed the whole world………………………………..it could and has happend.I am now the president of the United States Of America!

  12. zax says:

    These pictures are a bit sad… they make me feel that Russians think of their products as inferior to Western ones. Well, it is probably true when speaking about mass-produced goods… but it is because of political system, not because of lack of technology, materials or knowledge.

    As for Moon landing or F-117… the first one didn’t happen only because of Korolev’s sudden death (and Russian space technology was at the time far more advanced than American), and the second one is just a very incapable and generally bad aircraft, again, Russian technology is probably better in that particular field.

    Picture with camera eqipped with Carl-Zeiss lenses depicts something that actually existed. Some Soviet top-range cameras had East German made Zeiss parts, and had inscriptions such as “Carl Zeiss сделано в СССР” on them.

  13. [...] se a União Soviética tivesse vencido a Guerra Fria? Vi nesse link algumas fotos e desenhos de como o mundo seria se isso tivesse acontecido. Achei muito bem feito, e [...]

  14. onitake says:

    i lol’d at “ivanovy” :D

  15. Mr. Pakistan says:

    How awesome was this? If the west was ever to become Russofied, this is how it would be haha.Its sad to know though that the exact opposite is happening in russia. Russian brands are writing in latin script and doing english slogans. When your in russia speak and write in russian!

    • Fatigue of living abroad says:

      I live abroad and go to an English school, but when i talk Russian, I rarely add any english words. I am a true believer in cyrillic script and russifying all my programs on the computer just because I want to. I listen to Russian radiostations.

      • 4estgraham says:

        So when you speek in Russian do you think like a Russian?This makes all the difference in the world when conversing with Russians. If you think English when speeking Russian it’s very confusing to Russian people. This has been my biggest stumbling block while tring to learn the Russian language, but I will prevail.

        • truth says:

          i forget many Russian words so if I were to come to Russia now I would often struggle to find the word and think of an alternative in English, but soon my friend, very soon I would start thinking just in Russian and forget some English, this has happened before, I can become Russian properly, and my mentality too, because of my interest in world History of 20th century, I am able to express my opinions for or criticising Russia in similar ways people do it on radio Echo of Moscow. My English prononciation is surprisingly good for a Russian person and some think maybe it’s because I have forgotten or newer known another language but it’s not true. I am verybilingual in this sence, I can be listening to a Russia talk show and at the same time doing my English literature essay.

          PS I say i listen to radio Echo of Moscow and this means I know what’s it like to think like Russian, dont get the typical western impression of propaganda. Modern Russian government and generation mostly see the old soviet system as a failure, we are told everywhere, on radion, on TV that the experiment failed, that Cold War was also the responsibility of a twentieth century tyrant named Stalin. I feel that to think trulely Russian, contrary to how people in the west believe, one must be able to criticize the government, believe me the people know the current corrupt cituation in Russia, you just have to talk about it with humour. “We wanted it to be better, but it turned out like always” became a popular catch phrase for talking about some of the policies being implemented in the country. On the other hand many people do look toward the west, mostly the Eurozone as an example to how some things should be done politically and economically, however, the older generation there often has an illusion that those who live in the west live in luxury and problem-free world, for them it’s sinonimous with luxury of life. But those peopel are old pensioners, they have little sources of information in Russia, their pensions are mostly quite miserable. The younger people are much better off in adapting towards the new market system, and are much better informed, trust me Russia is becoming revolutionised with a new flow of information and ideas.

    • fikamar says:

      thank you. and your reward of moral has move to muslim :D

  16. Jason says:

    Someone has a big imagination.The problem with most of it with the exception of the moon landing is this is during soviet times.It would be more convincing if it was todays russia.Comunisim–Capitalism!<This is why the USA was ahead of the soviet union on many things

  17. Russian_NYC says:

    LOL @ zharenie kurochki trozkogo (Trotsky’s face expression) =)))

    Besides that, not a chance. Russians copied 99% of everything, while the West actually invented, moving the whole world forward.

    Also, the “DIALOG” phone is pretty funny, hehehehe “telefonniy apparat”

    • Jason says:

      Yes most things are imported there.I was surprised to see many things there that are from america.I guess I should not have been.I wonder if Russia was like the west in the past and not communist would they have their own products with russian writing on them.But I will say that stealth bomber with the stars on the wings does look cool.

      • Russian_NYC says:

        They did a post here recently with Russian pre-communist products and ads.
        As far as F-117 with stars, I kind of found it strange and perverted – like looking at the space shuttle with Zimbabwe flag on it. =)

        • Jason says:

          The soviets did have the Buran space shuttle.It flew 1 time.Then the soviet system collapsed and now it is in a museum.On second thought it would be scary if the soviets had the F-117.Russia and America think very differently.

          • Russian_NYC says:

            Buran was shamelessly copied, just like the “Concordski”, just like pretty much everything else russians copy.

            • Jason says:

              Yes,I am sure the technical plans were sold to them,same with the atomic bomb.I saw on tv a former imployee from Los Alamos in New Mexico sold info to the soviet government.Espionage,money talks.

            • DI HALT says:

              Buran was not a copy. It is similar in appearance but only because it is the most optimal shape for reusable spacecraft.

              He has a completely different principle off (Shuttle takes off on its engines. Buran uses a missile carrier). Buran space shuttle harder. Buran has greater load capacity than the Shuttle

              Its control system is unique in the world could make takeoff and landing in a fully automatic mode. No crew. Until now, no one has to repeat it.

              Buran was designed for warfare in outer space to destroy enemy satellites. When the space have stated demilitorizovannoy zone he could not find application. He proved to be too expensive. Too big. Why carry a pizza in the truck, if there is a bicycle?

  18. Zax, let say that the F117 was a plane designed with a narrow spec sheet…
    really narrow…
    really really narrow…

    But the proof that with enough computer power overcompensation even a turd can fly.

  19. Pud says:

    Funny thing is, the business “climate” in the USSR wouldn’t have allowed for the innovation that brought these products about in the first place.

  20. Kirov says:

    Both the East and the West stole each other..

    I want you to go to a map (without any letters), and find:
    1. Belgium.
    2. Indonesia.
    3. Namibia.
    4. Uruguay.
    5. Panama.

    I hope I didn’t insult you..

    • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad says:

      Dearest Kirov,

      I have been poring over my map, looking for the connection of these five countries. First of course I noticed they are not connected to each other, at least not without interruption of other countries and bodies of water in between.

      Then I tried making a word with the first letter of each one, and arrived at “BINUP.” Since it is not a word in English (language of this website), I decided maybe you were speaking as a Filipino or Indian, who may pronounce “Pinup” as “Binup.”

      Still, I don’t see the connection, since few of the photos on this post are of pinup quality.

      Belgium is home to NATO, the powerful but cowardly force which did nothing while my Russian friends beat Georgia back into submission. Indonesia is home to largest Muslim population and Bali, where I used to lie naked with wayward Western women on holiday. Namibia is home of the blacks, with a few nice Germans on the coast. Uruguay–another place with nice Germans and some sexy Latins. Panama–more sexy but often lazy Latins, and the famous canal built by the Americans and given away by Jimmy “the Arab” Carter.

      I still don’t see the connection.

    • fikamar says:

      ehm ehm what do you mean about stealing each other???

  21. Gord says:

    Do you have any way to contact the artist who did the Obama-as-Gorbachev photo?

    I’m writing an article for a magazine with exactly that thesis, and I’d like to use this shot as a photo illustration.

  22. viltots briedis says:

    only laugh-out-loud for me was Gematogen… :D

  23. lenin says:

    there was actually “kocmoc” cigarettes. i’ve smoked it some time 20 years ago.

  24. Igor says:

    A lot of work has been put into these!
    I wonder what Apple Notebooks would have looked if Apple was a russian brand.

    :D

  25. Вибрюзябл says:

    Да… самому страшно стало…

  26. Vibrjuziabl says:

    Samomy strawno stalo…

  27. El_Greco says:

    Americans never have been on the moon
    and Stealth is a Russian invertention the guy who build the Stealth is a Russian scientist he sold his work and helped to build stealth

  28. Da says:

    Led Zeppelinski

  29. alibi says:

    What’s so exiting about that Stealth anyway. It cost 1B and get downed by an obsolete Russian anti aircraft sistem which was built back in the 60s.

    And sure – the Russians stole that “Kosmos” word from the West. Just like “Sputnik” and pretty much everything else.

  30. Russian_NYC says:

    You gotta love it how Russians always scream that they invented EVERYTHING, including the moon.

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  32. jurkis says:

    VEF (pic of mobile) is not for Russia. VEF is for Latvia.

    • Livonian says:

      Right.

      VEF stands for “Valsts Elektrotehniska Fabrika”, meaning “State Electrotechnical Factory”. It was established in independent Republic of Latvia before WWII.

      It produced luxury radio sets (some got Grand Prix at industrial exhibitions in Paris), telephones, communications equipment (radio stations for airplanes etc.), film projectors, MINOX super-miniature “spy” cameras, also airplanes (designed by Irbitis) and other interesting and high quality stuff.

      In 1940 Soviets came with tanks and troop and took over the country.

      In the next 50 years the quality of Communist run VEF products decreased while still it was best in the USSR.

      In nineties, when market became free again, it was obvious that the company has been effectively destroyed by the Soviet rule, unable to compete, bare shadow of what it used to be once in the free world, so it naturally disintegrated.

      There are still some left-overs, tiny companies, using VEF logo, but the innovative high-tech enterprise it used to be (Latvian “Siemens” as it was called by some) is gone for good.

      Just another crime committed by Soviet Communists. There are so many of them..

  33. Руслан says:

    Да это еще что:) Вы в курсе, что у нас в паспортах на восьмой странице Кенни из СоусПарка нарисован?)

  34. Here in the U.S. we’re already a week into the Messiah administration, and we already could use a dose of glasnost. But what about ускорение? What is that in a political context? I tried googling, but my knowledge of the Russian language is too limited to find anything I can understand.

    (The perestroika we’ll probably get, whether or not it’s any good.)

  35. Russkiy Drug says:

    Neploho zamutili fotozhop, ulybnulo))))))Osobenno prikolnulo “Sochi, Hule” *ROFL*
    P.S.: Из России с ПревеДом))))))))))))

  36. fgjhfghj says:

    Придурки вы все англичане….

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  38. Eugene Popov says:

    I love that KFC-Trotzkiy stuff :)))))

  39. Russkiy says:

    Мы вам еще устроим Козью морду!!!
    Добрый Русский! :)))))

  40. REx says:

    That might have very well become reality, if there would not have been the Communist coup in autumn of 1917 and the new social order after democratic revolution of spring 1917 would have lasted.

    Instead there was nearly a century of totalitarian terror and basically complete destruction of the country and society and degradation of the people.

    Such a pity.

    P.S.
    Read “The Island of Crimea” by Vassily Aksyonov. Alternative history of what would have happened, if Whites would have managed to establish independent country in Crimean peninsula.
    http://www.amazon.com/Island-Crimea-Vassily-Aksyonov/dp/0394524314/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top

  41. kapa6ac says:

    The people in Russia are more spiritual than in most other countries. That’s is true. And that’s what missing America with their rich country and already crashed economic.

  42. Taufactor says:

    I would happily smoke “Kocmoc” cigarettes!

    I can see the tagline now:

    “One puff, and you’ll be in orbit!”

    Privet!

  43. jurkis says:

    Hello, braliukas:)

  44. Anitha says:

    Very nice Russian interpretations of existing advertisements and products.

    Cheers,

    Anitha

  45. Ivan says:

    Чё казлины нерусские зубоскалите??? ВОТ я вам наваляю. Медведям скормлю. Бу-га-га

  46. Fenix says:

    please buy SAAB :P

  47. Adam says:

    Ya know… I am not Russian, but I’ve always respected the way of life, lets be honest, USA and Russia… basically the same type of people… and USA and Russia, were and are like distant family… BUT… Yes I found this to be very, very funny and kudos to the Photoshop-type work.

    I loved all of ZIL-POD, and the Gaz-G5? (mac) I like how Col. Sanders was made into TROTSKI, and I think it would have been more funny if KFC- was made into KGB… I mean it was screaming it! HAHAH! Lastly, Very good, but I think, NO ONE really, made it to the Moon…. it was USA and SOVIET, “BOLOSHEVIK” in the first place.

    Kudos! MAKE MORE.

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  50. 1 says:

    russian-foreva
    fak-amerikan

  51. shravan says:

    Very thoughtful and very lengthy post

  52. n says:

    ::DD nu norma, veselie kartinki.)

  53. russianAndProud says:

    yo us vener even went to the moon classy way to prove merica won cold war

  54. alex says:

    why compare with the US, if left to the Russians none of these products would have been invented in Russia. The US the land of the American dream, not Russian dream.

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  57. buy jeans says:

    hahaha, ural guitar

  58. Nicolaï says:

    Popov??? Get your facts right, Nicolai Tesla invented the radio … even been proved – after marconi got hes awards

  59. Slaven says:

    What a stupid article. Never has there been worse leader in any country of the world than gorbachev. He is the reason why Russia is today such a looked down on country. And still no one has even attempted to execute the bastard. Such a tragedy really on Russia part.

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